Gay Essentials: A NEW weekly meeting group/workshop in London – for Men Who Love Men!

Good luck to colleagues Nick Field and Gian Montagna and all the men who participate in this interesting group

Nick Field Counselling, Central/South West London

Word Art (1)-1I have recently got together with a colleague of mine, Gian Montagna, to set up and facilitate a new weekly meeting group in London, for gay, bi, trans or questioning men.

Run every Monday evening over a period of 3 months (12 sessions), Gay Essentials will be a weekly space to experiment with and explore connecting in deeper, more open and authentic ways with other gay/bi/trans men.

Gay Essentials will also be an opportunity for men who love men to experience their own rite-of-passage into a more authentic, sexual and relationally diverse adulthood, whilst also sharing this journey with others, in a safe, contained and holding environment.

The issue of a [lack of] proper initiation and rite-of-passage into manhood is particularly relevant for men who have sex with/desire/have romantic or platonic relationships or want to experience a more authentic intimacy with, other men today: From the environment we grew up in, to the…

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The Hijra community and the complex path to decolonising gender in Bangladesh

A really helpful article making some important distinctions about Hijra and Trans.

The Queerness

The need to understand gender as a spectrum must include non-Western identities and a move towards decolonising queerness. Ibtisam Ahmed explores the history of the Hijra community in Bangladesh.


Ways of exploring and experiencing queerness are extremely diverse, and this is being accepted by a growing number of people in recent years. It is an encouraging development but it still carries its pitfalls. One of the biggest challenges that is still being faced is a false equivalence of conceptualising all types of genders and sexualities through a strictly Western lens. In particular, there is often a misconception in cisgender activist circles of misunderstanding non-Western third gender identities.

In Bangladesh, the third gender identity is known as Hijra. The community is an indelible part of not only queer culture but of the national social fabric. Centuries before Bangladesh was even conceived as a modern nation state, and even before the…

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Pride in London and my Queer journey – a personal perspective and response to @LondonLGBTPride

A brave and open account of the intersectionality of identities and how we all have a responsibility to fight for true diversity and inclusion of the more marginalised in our communities.  How we white cisgender men need to recognise our privilege and make space for others.  So much respect for Edward Lord here in speaking his truth.

Source: Pride in London and my Queer journey – a personal perspective and response to @LondonLGBTPride

My journey as a gay man with depression

A helpful blog about the challenges of depression

The Queerness

Guest writer, Peter Minkoff, recounts his very personal journey with depression as part of our mental health month.


There was a time in my life when I absolutely loathed the word ‘depression’. Whenever someone is having a bad day, they nonchalantly throw around the phrase ‘I’m depressed’ – no, you’re not, you’re just having a sucky day. I felt so frustrated with people around me because they had no clue what real depression is. I, on the other hand, did. You’ve probably heard this story a thousand times, but no depression story is the same, and each and every person fighting depression is different, their experience is different. It took a lot of self-convincing for me to share my story, but I’m doing it because I truly hope that my voice will be heard and that some struggling gay person will take away something positive from it.

The beginning

Let me…

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Theraputic abuse and red flags

So much wisdom here.

Counselling in Northumberland

I have written a number of times on the need for better regulation of counselling and psychotherapy in the UK. Given our position, where anyone, regardless of qualifications can call themselves a coach, counsellor or psychotherapist, information is vital to allow clients to protect themselves. At a bare minimum clients need to know that a potential therapist is qualified, insured, and a member of a regulatory body. For me there is almost a protective desire to try to empower clients. I am reminded of how Carl Rogers (one of the founding giants of counselling) described the difference in power between therapist and client;  A client enters into the counselling relationship vulnerable and incongurent, and meets with the therapist, who is authentic and congruent. That vulnerability is a part of the process, but also easy for the unscrupulous to exploit.

It is with this in mind that the idea of…

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We expect, and need, better than this from the BACP

Very pleased to see a sane response to this ridiculous ethical dilemma. It my view, the dilemma is should Marna and her supervisor be in practice with such unexamined and sex negative beliefs.
If anyone wishes to read the original article here is a link:
http://www.bacp.co.uk/docs/pdf/15887_therapy-today-march-2017.pdf pages 20-21.

Counselling in Northumberland

The in-house journal of the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy is Therapy Today. It is sent to every member of the organisation as well as being hosted online. The BACP have been quick to remind people that reading it counts as CPD, and so it seems safe to assume it promotes it’s beliefs, attitudes and outlook towards ethical practice.

It was therefore  worrying and disappointing to see featured an ethical dilemma around viewing pornography which seemed to be written with no knowledge or understanding or either sexuality or good therapeutic and supervisionary practices. It is difficult to create believable hypothetical scenarios, however, if it is done, it is important that they reflect not only best practice but the values and beliefs of the organisation.

The Dilemma (All people are imaginary)

Marna is a counsellor who rents a room from a larger counselling agency. Another room within the same building…

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