Tag Archives: LGBT

Reparative therapy in Rutter’s Child and Adolescent Psychiatry

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The new (6th) edition of Rutter’s Child and Adolescent Psychiatry features a chapter on a gender nonconforming young people for the first time, entitled “Gender dysphoria and paraphilic sexual disorders”. This chapter draws upon flawed and outdated research to effectively promote ‘reparative’ therapy, with the intention of changing children’s gender identities. It can be read here.

Authors Kenneth Zucker and Michael Seto suggest that therapists work with parents to “set limits with regard to cross-gender behaviour, and encourage same-sex peer relations and gender-typical activities”. In doing so, they promote the idea that issues faced by gender nonconforming children are due to an innate problem with the child, rather than with the child’s relation to normative societal gender roles.

Reparative therapy for gender identity issues can harm children by leading them to internalise the idea that nonconforming gendered expression is shameful or wrong (Ansara & Hegarty, 2012). It runs counter to explicit guidance on the treatment of children and young people from the World Professional Association for Transgender Health Standards of Care (WPATH, 2012). In contrast, approaches that enable and support children in exploring gender identity and expression have been shown to have beneficial outcomes (De Vries et al, 2013; Ehrensaft, 2012).

The chapter also exhibits poor scholarship. The first author prominently cites his own work no less than 17 times. Strong inferences are drawn from statistically insignificant quantitative findings. Blanchard’s (2010) deeply reductive typology of male-to-female transsexualism is reported on prominently, but the controversy of this theory (Serano, 2010) is not acknowledged.

Zucker’s own Gender Identity Service at the Toronto-based Centre for Addiction and Mental Health was recently recently suspended pending investigation following complaints from a number of parents. It is unclear whether or not the service will re-open, particularly as Zucker’s approach to therapy is now arguable illegal in the state of Ontario following a recent change in the law. Zucker has also been criticised for building his academic profile through an ‘invisible college’ of mutual citation and peer review (Ansara & Hegarty, 2012).

In light of these issues, it is deeply concerning that Zucker was invited to co-author this chapter.

For these reasons it might be best if the 6th edition of Rutter’s Child and Adolescent Psychiatry is not bought for libraries or used within training.

Guest Contributor:
Ruth Pearce
August 2015

Works referenced

Ansara, G and Hegarty, P (2012) Cisgenderism in psychology: pathologising and misgendering children from 1999 to 2008. Psychology & Sexuality 3:2, 137- 160

Blanchard, R (2010) The DSM diagnostic criteria for transvestic fetishism. Archives of Sexual Behavior 39, 363–372

Ehrensaft, D (2012) Gender Born, Gender Made: Raising Healthy Gender-Nonconforming Children. The Experiment Publishing: New York

Serano, J (2010) The Case Against Autogynephilia. International Journal of Transgenderism 12:3, 176-87

De Vries et al (2013) Young Adult Psychological Outcome After Puberty Suppression and Gender Reassignment. Pediatrics: 2013-2958

WPATH (2012) Standards of care for the health of transsexual, transgender, and gender non-conforming people. WPATH http://www.wpath.org/uploaded_files/140/files/Standards%20of%20Care,%20V7%20Full%20Book.pdf

 

Sartorial Experimenting

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I was thrilled to make it to this year’s Rainbow List and even more delighted to have been given a higher ranking this year (No. 28) on last year’s initial entry at No.34. I’d guessed I was on the list again because a few weeks ago, I got an email from the editor at the Independent on Sunday inviting me to a celebratory party. This is the first time they’ve had such a party and of course I was delighted to accept. And Nervous. Being a natural introvert, I don’t find these things easy, but I do feel like I want to be there.

Last month I attended the European Diversity Awards with my colleague Leah Davidson. Pink Therapy was shortlisted for the Community Project award and running against some of the big guys like Channel 4 and Croydon Council as well as long standing community projects like Newcastle’s West End Women and Girls project. The awards were being held at the Natural History Museum and after consuming several glasses of champagne and probably more canapés than were wise for someone about to sit down to a three course dinner, we took our seats amongst the Dinosaurs.  The dress code was Black Tie and I had great fun wearing my second hand tux.  It’s only the second time I’d worn a tux, the first being a hired one for last year’s National Diversity Awards (we didn’t win that one either)!

at European Diversit

at European Diversity Awards

The dress code for this party was Dress as You Wish. I would have wished to wear the Tux again but didn’t want to look our of place and too formal.  But I felt this increased placement  in the Rainbow list deserved a new outfit. I don’t shop for clothes too much and I wanted something eye catching and interesting. Living in the middle of Covent Garden I set out for Floral Street and checked out Nigel Hall, Ted Baker and Paul Smith and realised very quickly that this year’s look was tiny print shirts which reminded me of pocket square handkerchief styles or even cotton pyjamas. They just didn’t grab me at all.

I popped into M&S to pick up some pyjama trousers I’d ordered online to be delivered there and as I was leaving the store my eye got caught by this incredible purple velour dress. Why is it women always get the nice clothes, I mused. Came home and ate lunch and my mind kept wandering back to that dress. If there was ever an occasion for me to wear a dress in public, then this even was probably the one. But I just didn’t think I’d have the balls. So I posted my dilemma on Facebook and was told in no uncertain terms that I ought to buy it!

After lunch before heading off to look at nice shirts, this time in Soho boutiques I returned to M&S just to satisfy myself that the dress was too expensive, or the wrong size/cut or something else I could use as a good excuse NOT to buy the dress. However, it was £40, came in every size from 8 to 20 (what size would I be?) and wasn’t super low cut or with big bosom darts. So I picked up three sizes, 16, 18 and 20 and headed to the changing rooms. Without a second glance the assistant gave me a counter for three garments and I slipped out of my male clothes and into a dress! I’m not wanting to do drag, or pass myself off as a women.

I found myself dithering between the 18 and the size 20 Both seemed to fit and I couldn’t easily tell the difference – the fabric was stretchy and I found myself wanting to get the smaller size, despite the 20 maybe feeling a little more comfortable! I’m sure this experience is familiar to many others wanting to squeeze into something smaller, so I decided to get the larger one and play it safe. I also needed something to cover up my hairy legs. I couldn’t easily see lycra leggings and getting more and more embarrassed I settle on some black tights but they need to be thick enough to cover my legs and large enough to fit me. Extra Large 100 Denier looked like they’d do the trick.

I then realised I’d need something to carry my phone, wallet and keys in. Handbags were NOT cheap and so I headed out towards Leicester Square tube and bought a £15 shoulder bag in black – multiple pockets and something that will come in handy for holidays. They had some great hats too and so after ruling out the Purple top hat, I went for a purple trilby!

My big heavy boots looked too clunky but I inherited a pair of pointy toed cuban heel boots from a friend who committed suicide last year. They looked stylish and elegant and drew attention away from my knees!

I feel very nervous going out in a dress, and remember the adage that a man learns more about being a man by wearing a dress for a day that a suit for a lifetime. I’ll get a cab to the venue and one home – as I don’t feel safe on public transport alone in a dress. It has already reminded me of the immense courage that people assigned Male at birth show when they go out in public dressed in female clothing. For most, I guess it’s their intense gender dysphoria which motivates them to present in public and show the world they have every right to be the fabulous person they are. For me, my motivations are a little less honourable. I want to learn more about myself. There will be no makeup, no attempt to overly feminise. I just want to be able to be a bloke in a fabulous purple dress!  Women shouldn’t have all the fun in dressing up!  Genderqueer allows us to redefine ourselves!  I claim my space on the catwalk!

So here are a few snaps of me in a frock.  The first was taken in the kitchen to test out the ‘look’ and so the tags are still on the dress!

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This next one is in front of the sponsor board.  There were professional one’s taken on arrival where I was told to smile more!  I must have been pretty nervous I guess!  Pity the photographic lights had gone off and it all looks so purple.

 

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I stepped outside and there was a magnificent skyline of St Paul’s and the Shard. Pity it was raining or I’d have spent more time out here.  The views were incredible.

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Some initial thoughts on lessons learned:

  • gay men in general either ignore you or see you as weird
  • virtually all male privilege is lost
  • it’s very uncomfortable wearing tights, the top of them comes up to one’s mid torso and then seems to roll down and readjusting it is ungainly and tights really squash your manly bits so that you walk funny!
  • it felt risky to walk the streets (I took cabs there and back)
  • accessorising makes an outfit come together 🙂

Dominic Davies
Founder/Director

Sober Sex – some ideas for moving forwards

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Dominic Davies speaking at Gay Sex & Drugs

Dominic Davies speaking at Gay Sex & Drugs

I want to talk about Sober Sex which is I know from my clients is a huge challenge for many guys who are trying to stop or recover from Chemsex.

I come to this topic as a clinical sexologist – which means I’ve studied a wide range of sexualities and worked with a lot of people over my 30+ year career as a therapist, helping them with a range of sexual problems. I’m also coming to this topic as someone who has been a sexual adventurer exploring alternative sexual practices and lifestyles from the inside.

It was quite shocking to read this morning that Crystal Meth gives someone 1250 units of dopamine compared to the 200 units released during sex. It got me thinking…. how do they measure this? I’ve had plenty of mind blowing sex and it’s really hard for me to imagine the high that Meth would give me that could beat that.

I’ve also occasionally had some very mediocre sex. I wonder if the 200 unit measure was from the kind of very ordinary mundane sex, the kind that you want over and done with so you can get to sleep as you have an early start in the morning.

But the point of the article was more about the down-regulation of the dopamine receptors as a result of having been overloaded with Meth and how it’s hard to feel normal happiness and pleasure again.

I’m quite an optimist and I am wondering if that’s actually true and permanent or if that can be fixed?  I’m wondering whether nutritional therapies like Tyrosine which is an amino acid and works as a precursor to dopamine could increase Dopamine and restimulate the neurochemistry?  So perhaps it’s worth consulting a Clinical Nutritionist for advice.

I’m also wondering if some of the forms of sexual intimacy and sexual healing that exist out there might help people discover sexual intimacy sober. I’m thinking of some of the work done by  Gay Tantra masseurs or Kundalini yoga teachers, by the practitioners at Authentic Eros and Gay Love Spirit or the upcoming Quintessential Queer Hearted festival or in October the Love Spirit festival happening later this year and people skilled with playing with sexual energy at Queer Conscious Sex.  There is also playing with power and sensation through consensual BDSM. You might also want to consider erotic hypnosis which can create altered states of consciousness and mindfulness meditation too. All of these I’ve found to be able to change the experience of sex and one’s relationship to one’s body.

I’d encourage those of you struggling to have sex sober to explore these kinds of things. I’d also urge queer practitioners of any of these different disciplines to offer their services to build a body of knowledge and experience of what works.  I’d really love to hear more about this from anyone on the journey.

Intense, intimate and passionate sober sex IS, I believe entirely possible.  It may not have the intensity of being super high masturbating to porn at a Sex Party with four guys on Grindr, one obsessively polishing the bathroom mirror and another passed out in a G-hole, but I am hopeful there could be some amazing experiences ahead if you want to explore what sober intimacy and sexual energy can do.

I’ve no direct connection to the groups I’ve linked to here, other than knowing they exist and having met some of the people involved as well as some of the people who’ve benefitted from the experience.

Dominic Davies
Director

This is a version of the open mic contribution I made at the Facebook event Let’s Talk about Gay Sex and Drugs on 9 June

Curing the gays

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Yesterday, I was invited to meet with Norman Lamb the Minister for Care and Support and the heads (or their representatives) of most of the major psy/therapy organisations (BACP, UKCP, BPS, National Counselling Society, British Psychoanalytic Council, Relate, BABCP, Assoc of Christian Counsellors, Chair of GLAAD representing the Royal College of GP’s) PACE and Stonewall. The topic of this ’round table’ was Conversion Therapy which the Minister told us he was very concerned about and wanted to establish what was happening and what the government might do about it.

Professor Michael King was there representing the Royal College of Psychiatrists and both he and I were invited to make presentations – him on the evidence of efficacy and harm and me, on the training needs for therapists and what the professional bodies should be doing. I’d been waiting for an opportunity like this for my entire career!

David Pink from UKCP gave some background to the issue as UKCP have been taking the lead on this for a while now and recently produced a booklet commissioned by the Government for the NHS Choices website.  Pink Therapy had a hand in this and it seems an important step at the Government making it clear that Conversion Therapy has no place in ethical health care for LGB people.

After Mike King gave some background on the history of conversion therapy and the lack of evidence for its benefit and plenty of evidence for it’s harm, I had around 20 minutes to present my own thoughts.

This is a slightly tidied up version of what I said:

Dept of Health Round Table on Conversion Therapy

Training & Policy

Whilst I’m concerned about religiously motivated Conversion Therapy and have been professionally active on this issue for over two decades, I’m much more concerned with Professor King’s data about 1:6 mainstream therapists of your organisations agreeing to contracts to reduce SSA or cure people. Most of these people are not overtly religiously motivated and so might not feel your Conversion Therapy policy statements apply to them.

These were well meaning mainstream and secular therapists who were poorly trained and inadequately prepared to know how to respond to a highly distressed client. Training in understanding what is different about working with gender or sexual minorities is either absent or patchy in most British therapy training courses and so therapists don’t know how to respond and often have little cultural competency in understanding the social contexts in which their clients live. Noble humanistic concepts about the clients right to self determination are in conflict with what might be a lack of choice over the gender of their sexual partners. The people presenting for ‘gay cure’ are generally likely to be those who have a fixed and enduring sexual identity (Kinsey 6’s) and whereas sexuality can be quite plastic for many people and there are plenty of examples of situational homosexuality amongst heterosexuals in single sex environments and sexual fluidity over a lifespan for many LGB and T people, the people seeking ‘cure’ are unlikely to be those people who feel unable to change.

In some contexts (lesbian and gay Muslim especially) lesbians and gay men may be facing honour killings from family members or alienation from their community and families. They maybe literally pleading for their lives. 

I’m also interested to know how those organisations which have Christian Counsellors or Pastoral Counsellors like Assoc Christian Counselling and BACP’s Association for Pastoral and Spiritual Care Counselling will monitor whether conversion therapy is being undertaken organisations?  Changing policy and forbidding something doesn’t make it go away. 

I’m interested to hear what other colleagues are doing to ensure their Policy Statements are translated into action and how they propose to train their members in ensuring they can respond appropriately to requests for change.

However, it goes wider than this in delivering culturally safe and appropriate mental health services. An example is that whilst we now have full equality in Gay Marriage, we should bear in mind that research shows that between 50-80% gay male couples are are not sexually exclusive. So whilst Relate has become less heteronormative over the years, it is still virtually impossible for a gay couple to get help in opening up their sexual relationship, when the training of the therapists in Relate has been about helping couples maintain sexual fidelity and keeping families together. 

Research is showing that Bisexuals get offered conversion therapy from mainstream counselling organisations too! Some therapists feel they should just help the bisexual pick one identity and either be heterosexual or gay. (Ref: Bisexuality Report and Richards and Barker, 2013)

My recommendations

  1. Accrediting a course, should mean the course gets audited for what they are teaching about working with gender and sexual diversity clients. I’m interested in therapists being culturally safe to offer therapy to sex minority communities. So that LGBT people are afforded dignity to live within their own values and norms. Such training in understanding developmental theory, life stages and relationship models etc should be integrated and run throughout whole curriculum and not be an optional add on for a single workshop. The BPS Guidelines for working therapeutically with gender and sexual minority clients are most helpful and I’d like courses seeking accreditation to be asked to embed these guidelines in their training of therapists so that throughout the curricula therapists are learning how to work with diversity.
  2. Post Qualified counsellors faced with requests for change need CPD to help them better handle these issues. A big stick or forbidding conversion  therapy is not helpful.  You have a duty of care to your members to support them in know how best to effectively respond to genuine distress and requests for ‘cure’.
  3. Therapists and supervisors need training in how to work with the issues. Our own workshops for supervisors were frequently cancelled due to low take up, it seems supervisors (who may well have been trained at a time when homosexuality was still classified as a mental disorder) feel they are above or beyond the need for training in how to supervise therapy with LGBT clients.
  4. Specifically with regard to Requests for ‘Cure’, I recommend a training pack be produced – with video, experiential exercises and some theoretical material and resources which addresses how to work with these issues. We should then offer to train counsellor trainers in how to use the pack so that they can then deliver training to their students.  It would be good if the Dept of Health could help us produce this material – making a video with a Muslim actor playing a gay client who is conflict with his cultural and faith beliefs and sexual orientation.

You will see I’ve used the concept of Cultural Safety.  This arose in Nurse Education in New Zealand and here’s a short explanation:
Cultural safety relates to the experience of the recipient of nursing service and extends beyond cultural awareness and cultural sensitivity. It provides consumers of nursing services with the power to comment on practices and contribute to the achievement of positive health outcomes and experiences. It also enables them to participate in changing any negatively perceived or experienced service. The Council’s definition of cultural safety is:

The effective nursing practice of a person or family from another culture, and is determined by that person or family. Culture includes, but is not restricted to, age or generation; gender; sexual orientation; occupation and socioeconomic status; ethnic origin or migrant experience; religious or spiritual belief; and disability

The nurse delivering the nursing service will have undertaken a process of reflection on his or her own cultural identity and will recognise the impact that his or her personal culture has on his or her professional practice. Unsafe cultural practice comprises any action which diminishes, demeans or disempowers the cultural identity and well being of an individual. 

http://nursingcouncil.org.nz/content/download/721/2871/file/Guidelines%20for%20cultural%20safety,%20the%20Treaty%20of%20Waitangi,%20and%20Maori%20health%20in%20nursing%20education%20and%20practice.pdf [emphasis added]

After the meeting, I had warm and encouraging approaches from the National Counselling Society and the British Psychoanalytic Council who want us to advise them on what they can be doing. Also within hours the Chief Exec of Relate emailed me asking me to meet with their Head of Training.  Interestingly, the representative from BACP remained silent throughout the meeting and afterwards.  I hope I shouldn’t be reading too much into this.

There are plans for a follow up meeting and maybe a Memorandum of Understanding which we will hopefully agree.

This is the first time I’ve seen these professional associations coming together on an issue. They are essentially rivals and many competing for members. It was good to see them in agreement about Conversion Therapy and open to hearing my proposals.

Dominic Davies
Director

Dermod Moore interviews Dominic Davies in Dublin

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This is an interview Dominic gave Dermod Moore when in Dublin earlier in the year where they discussed sex, sexuality and psychotherapy in the social context of Ireland. 

Dermod Moore: Thinking back to the time the Pink Therapy books were first published – a lot has changed since then!

Dominic Davies: Yes, Pink Therapy as an organisation has been around 14 years. It feels like it’s gone in the blink of an eye.

DM Do you have a sense that what you are doing is more mainstream, now?

DD I think that’s true. It’s now becoming a legitimate source of study and to work in. It’s being recognized by the professional associations too, which is really good. They’re not doing very public or explicit things regarding GSD issues, but I have a sense now that my voice will be heard, that, for example, my letters tend to be published in full. It’s quite a nice degree of power to have.

For example, the European Association for Psychotherapy has a draft document which is proposing the necessary professional core competencies for psychotherapists – it managed to avoid mentioning awareness of sexuality in its requirements.

I mean, how did you miss that out in the first place, people? What is going on? You list all these other “-isms” but you don’t list sexuality? Is that heteronormativity? Or is that homophobia? Because it should be ingrained in people’s awareness by now. When this was pointed out to me, I sent off a few emails to various people saying how appalling it was, and then someone in UKCP drafted a correction,* which was submitted to the EAP competency committee. It makes me think – it’s not benign for that to be missed out. The situation for European queers is pretty appalling, especially for some Central and Eastern Europeans – and for therapists practicing there, if it’s not enshrined in the competency codes that they need to account for sexuality, they could easily not do so, or pathologise, or institute reparative therapy. Given how Russia is treating gays at the moment, the fact that the EAP is meeting in Moscow is important.

One of the things that was coming out of today’s workshop was a sense that it was the first time that such a workshop was held in Ireland. Why did the professional associations not do this sort of thing?

DM Actually, Stephen Vaughan has presented workshops for IAHIP (Irish Association for Humanistic and Integrative Psychotherapy) and IACP (Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) over the years, with others doing work for the HSE/GMHP.

I know, Dominic, that you’ve been working recently on emotional and psychological safety for sex workers in London, can you say a bit more about this aspect of your work?

DD Clearly, there are people who are exploited and trafficked, and that needs to be stopped, that goes without saying. For people who want to make a conscious choice to go into it as a profession, or as a part-time occupation, or as a way to pay their way through college, earning good money, and if they’re comfortable doing that, then I don’t think the state should be intervening in that. I think it’s their body and it’s their right to do with it as they want to. I also think there are also issues around access to sex, – for example, people with disabilities who might want to have sex. Sex workers often play a really vital role in the psychological and mental wellbeing of disabled people. Whether that’s just company, or self-esteem, or sexual touch, it seems to me that they are providing a compassionate service – and to criminalise it is appalling. I was lucky enough to meet sex workers in Australia and helped inspire an organisation that is largely staffed by sex workers to work with disabled people; training them how to safely lift people, how to deal with catheters etc; how to work with people with cerebral palsy, or speech impediments, or those who might spasm. How to help them practice their kissing skills, learn to flirt – sex workers are fantastic at flirting! They are very proficient teachers of the art of lovemaking. That was a really exciting project to be involved in.

A lot of the people using sex workers are very big into power play and degrading and using, and they may be nervous, difficult, trying to get it on the cheap, or try to exploit in other ways – and if you’re on the receiving end of that you may end up feeling quite contaminated with all this baggage. I was teaching them – both practicing and aspiring sex workers – Thought Field Therapy, an energy psychology, which is one of the most effective psychological treatments I’ve ever come across.

DM – I can hear, listening to you, how you are always de-problematising sex – always asking, “what’s wrong with sex?” In the Irish context, there’s often a long journey to leave behind a lot of shame about matters sexual, there’s such a strong message of “you’ve got to be careful, protect yourself”.

DD Of course I want people to protect themselves, while they are having incredible sex! I want them to be emotionally healthy! I’d want them to feel that what they are doing is liberating and exciting and a healthy and positive way of expressing themselves. And if they manage to remember the name of the person that they’re having sex with, and leave them both with a smile on their face, that counts as healthy sex!

DM There are regular radio ads in Ireland for a clinic offering treatments for all sorts of addiction, including sex addiction.

DD I don’t buy it, sex addiction. I don’t believe sex, which is a natural biological drive and urge, can be classified as an addiction. I think it’s dangerous and foolish to do so. I think Dr David J. Ley’s new book, The Myth of Sex Addiction spells out the case very eloquently, and if there is anyone who thinks there is such a thing they really ought to read his book. Yes, there are some people who have a problem with sex, who use it in a compulsive way, whose sexual activity masks other, more serious psychopathologies, such as bipolar depression, or borderline personality disorder, or narcissistic personality disorder. But if you are diagnosed as a sex addict, the treatment is perhaps to go on a chastity contract, or work The Steps; it focuses entirely on sex and your sexual history, that fits you in to a paradigm that says you were abused, or traumatised in some way. Who has not had a childhood that could not be seen as traumatic, through a particular lens? The sexual acting out is likely to be a symptom of something else that’s going on. It’s just a symptom, like a tic; and that will go away if you deal with the other stuff. In over 30 years of practice, I’ve never yet met a “sex addict.” I don’t think other people diagnosing you is ethical. The APA, doesn’t accept sex addiction exists; the DSM-V committee refused to include hypersexuality as a disorder. There’s no agreement that the diagnosis exists.

It is, basically, shame. And I have a paper in mind, that I want to write. It’s framed in DSM language: a diagnostic criteria for a new sexual disorder. And it’s called Sexual Shame Disorder. It would mean that these clinics could continue to charge money to treat people for something – but they might have to change the framework they’re using!

People who are presenting with sexual shame need treatment for it. And if they are calling themselves sex addicts, then, as long as we screen out the disorders I’ve mentioned, then what’s left is sexual shame. And that is treatable! I treat that all the time!

DM Someone from that clinic was on the radio recently with a client talking of how he had become addicted to porn, and broke his wife’s heart.

DD I’ve not fully formed my ideas on porn. The impact of porn on young people, particularly on young men, can be quite damaging. Clinically, there are more reports of erectile dysfunction, young men who have been masturbating to porn all the time, and then they find that real sex, when they finally get laid, doesn’t match up. It’s not as fast, it’s not as intense, they can’t find the fast-forward button on their partner to get to the exciting bits! So, their erection diminishes, and they feel shame, and they feel bad. It can all be undone and relearned. But it takes time. The neurochemistry of the brain is that they’re harnessing all the dopamine and the adrenaline, but what they’re not accessing is the oxytocin. And if they withdraw from 2-4 weeks, from all of that intensity, and understand more about the process, psycho-education, and then are given some opportunities to do other horny activities, the body and the brain reprogramme, and you can have a more balanced sex life. But I think porn has its place, it’s a great way for people to get sex education, you can become more creative in your imagination, with things that you find hot.

DM But isn’t (heterosexual) porn all about viewing, from a feminist point of view, women as objects, there for the pleasure of men?

DD There are plenty of women who like porn. Plenty of women who like sex, the carnality of it, who like sex without any connection, or romance, who just want a good hard orgasm and plenty of them. And they want someone with the stamina and the skill to give it to them. And let’s celebrate those women too, and not marginalise them and play into a stereotype that women don’t like sex and it’s men’s sexual desires that give them some sort of exclusive biological privilege that they should do whatever they like. They shouldn’t do what they like! It’s too convenient for a man to say “I couldn’t help myself because I’m a sex addict” – that’s the ultimate cop out. It’s much better to say “I did it because I wanted to.” “I did it because I’m horny.” Or, “I did it because you haven’t wanted to have sex with me for the last three months.” Whatever the reason, men are responsible for their sexuality and women are responsible for their sexuality. We need to take responsibility. Sex itself is not a bad thing. It’s how it’s used, what people do with it. That’s where the conversation needs to begin.

Dermod Moore is a psychotherapist in Dublin and  teaches the ‘Sexuality and Gender’ modules at the Psychosynthesis Education and Trust http://dermod.tel

Dominic Davies, a fellow of the BACP, lecturer, supervisor, psychotherapist, sex therapist, co-editor of the Pink Therapy series of books (with Charles Neal, 1996-2000), writer and activist, spoke to Dermod Moore on his recent visit to Dublin. He was co-training a workshop “Working with Gender and Sexual Diversity” for  Oakleaf Counselling, for 26 counsellors and psychotherapists working with Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender clients or anyone who would like to improve their understanding of working with Gender and Sexual Diversity. (GSD).

PS:   Amanda Middleton and Dominic Davies will be off to Dublin in February 2014 with their Introduction to Psychosexual Therapy. Check out the link for the syllabus

Again, Anita Furlong is producing the event and dealing with admin. Places are limited and it’s booking up fast! http://www.oakleafcounselling.com/workshops-and-seminars.html

How we got shortlisted for the National Diversity Awards

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The first step in our nomination for the National Diversity Awards was when Andrea Roth who translated two of our recent papers into her native German as part of our Translations Project submitted our name.  Andrea joined our team of volunteer translators a couple of years ago and we’re now covering almost all the major languages of the world. Her nomination was completely unsolicited and unexpected.

We then ran a small social media campaign asking for support of the nomination and the next we heard was we were asked to submit to the judges some background on the organisation and what we do.  The text below is what we sent in.

National Diversity Awards 2013 Nomination

Pink Therapy is the largest independent therapy organisation to provide information and therapeutic support to the LGBTIQ+ communities. We see our role as not to duplicate direct service provision through the voluntary sector in offer centre based counselling, but rather to provide a wider framework, training counsellors and therapists of all sexualities and genders to better understand LGBTIQ+ communities, and to contribute to the debate about service provision and commenting on issues of concern for our communities from a sex-positive perspective.  Our website and social media work are important points of contact with the LGBTIQ+ communities.

We look beyond the more regular LGBT sector and take a wider view of gender and sexual diversity, providing therapy and training around other disenfranchised and marginalised groups including Asexuality, BDSM/Kink, Intersex and those in consensually non monogamous relationships of all sexualities and genders.  We’ve provided a support group for asylum seekers and refugees and offered training for therapists on this issue too.

Funding and Staffing
Our work is largely done by the goodwill of a couple of part time volunteers/interns and the work of our Founder and Director, Dominic Davies. We receive no grants or external funding and is funded from the small profit on course training fees and client fees from Dominic’s private practice.

Services to the Communities
Our website contains a fairly extensive knowledge base of websites and self help books which can help people who can’t afford therapy or where clients in therapy can engage in bibliotherapy to augment and enhance the therapeutic process.

Our Directory of Pink Therapists offers a national online database of therapists of all gender and sexualities who offer non-pathologising therapy.  We hope to expand this to include complementary therapists who understand some of the specific challenges of LGBTIQ+ health issues

Pink Therapy’s founder and director has gathered a team of highly skilled Clinical Associates who contribute to raising the standards of therapy available to the LGBTIQ+ communities through offering consultation and clinical supervision of other therapists as well as contributing to our world renowned and highly respected extensive training programme. Our clinical associates have generally all contributed to the field through publishing, speaking at conferences and are recognised in their own professional fields as leading the development of raising the quality of services to the LGBTIQ+ communities

International Development
We were invited to become members of International Lesbian and Gay Association.  We’re also members of the World Association for Sexual Health and World Professional Association for Transgender Health.

We’re very committed to working internationally to help the mental health   of LGBTIQ+ overseas through training therapists and psychologists.  In the past two years our Director has visited Colombia Dublin and Malta and will be visiting Hungary and Brazil in the next two months.

For the past four years we have fundraised and run a week long International Summer School with therapists coming from  Benin (West Africa) Brazil x2, Columbia, Croatia, Eire x3, Denmark x2, England x4, Finland, France, Hungary, Italy x3, Northern Ireland x2 Poland x2, Portugal, Scotland x2,  Serbia x2, Singapore x3, Spain x2, Turkey, USA x2.  One each course we offer a bursary to a trans* counsellor and have been very active in supporting trans* people.

With help from a team of volunteers have translated some of our recent publications into a range of languages.  Now covering about 80% of the world.

We are active in social media and print media, responding to requests from journalists and editors and recognise our wider experience and expertise.  We recently appointed an intern Press office who’s written about some of our achievements on our Press Release page We’re on Facebook with almost 1200 likes. We’re on Twitter with 1500 followers. LinkedIN 1,146 connections and recently began this blog.

We then heard we were shortlisted from over 4k applicants to be one of three LGBT community organisations up for an award.  Amazing!

We were asked to submit a short 60 second video on why we should win (click link or see below)

Pamela Gawler-Wright and I will attend the awards ceremony and find out how we did on 20 September.  We’ve never been externally recognised by anyone before like this and so it’s exciting to have even got this far!

Wish us luck!

Dominic Davies
Director

An introduction to Gender and Sexual Diversity Psychotherapy

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A Pink Therapy Summer School in London, July 8-12, 2013

Editor’s note: this is a guest post from André Helman, MD; a relational psychotherapist from Paris.

Pink Therapy is an independent therapy and training institution devoted to LGBT people and to gender and sexual diversity. Located in London, it was created by Dominic Davies, a psychotherapist and sex therapist, who runs it together with a team of fifteen or so therapists and trainers.

I was lucky enough to take part in an international summer school about Gender and Sexual Diversity Therapy (GSDT). Exploring this concept, which was brand new to me, as well as its implications was an opportunity for dramatic breakthroughs and broadening of my field of thought. That is the experience I wish to evoke in this paper. It is not an in-depth reflection about GSD (many books were published about it, and many are still to be written), only a brief report where the author’s subjectivity is freely invited.

The GSD concept

Gender and Sexual Diversity (GSD) and Gender and Sexual Diversity Therapy (GSDT) concepts were elaborated through the recent years by Dominic Davies and his colleagues. The initial book, Pink Therapy, which gave its name to the institute, was directed by Dominic Davies and Charles Neal, and first published in 1996. It dealt with affirmative therapy for gay men. Progressively, the wording evolved: gay affirmative therapy turned into gay and lesbian affirmative therapy, and then sexual minority therapy, until the current term GSDT. Indeed, it appeared that the LGBT concept – even when adding an I for intersex or a Q for queer – would not allow to include all patients who were addressed by this therapeutic approach. For instance, this term excludes asexuals, kinksters, swingers, polyamorous, non-monogamous, flexible heterosexuals, fetishists, “objectum sexuals” (people who experience a romantic attraction to an object), the approach would not be consistent if it added an exclusion to those it intends to stand together with.

Every person related to any aspect of GSD suffers a social oppression, with different degrees and specific forms, which induces an internalized oppression, as an identification to the “norm”, and a counter-oppression, as a reaction. For example, the fight against misogynous oppression – wrongly named sexist – generated diverse types of counter-oppression, among which misandry is a major one.   The common oppression suffered by all GSD persons can be resumed with five injunctions: meet someone of the other sex, get married, have children stay together for your whole life, be faithful… But “the award for conformity is that everybody loves you… but you”. Within the LGBT(IQ…) “community itself, discrimination and difference rejection are common practice. To be oppressed does not prevent you from being an oppressor.

Group dynamics



Our group consisted of twelve persons, originating from 11 countries: Benin (West Africa), Catalonia, Denmark,  Finland, Ireland, Italy, Poland, Scotland, USA and France – and representing many diversities : gays, lesbians, bisexuals, asexuals, flexible heterosexuals, transmen… All of them where psychotherapists, either active or about to complete their training, all of them were very motivated and involved in the process. The course was presented by the same pair every morning (Pamela Gawler-Wright and Olivier Cormier-Otaño), while a different trainer intervened every afternoon, according to the topic.

As soon as the group met first for the time, the leading pair, tactfully and lightly, installed a climate of confidence, mutual respect and freedom of speech which greatly contributed to the quality and profoundness of our sharing throughout the course. Their interventions were rich with information and experiences. Together with the proposed exercises they both inflamed me and confronted me with my limits, my questioning, my fears. Each afternoon trainer, in their own special way, contributed to these dynamics. 

Each participant was invited to share in how they experienced the exercises as well as their own personal and professional experience, as related to the discussed topics. They all did so with a great sincerity, which allowed me to discover some aspects of GSD, I knew nothing about, to be confronted to my own stereotypes and prejudices, and, eventually, to dramatically change my viewpoint about some of them.

The course main lines

Many issues were developed, discussed and deepened through practical exercises. Below, I mention the main ones and what I experienced when tackling them.



Stereotypes and prejudices


As with everybody, our patients carry all kinds of stereotypes and prejudices, which partly contribute to generating and/or maintaining their unwellness. Therapist do too! This contributes to narrow our vision of our patients, our capacity to accept them fully as they are and, consequently, the quality of our support. Without taking the expression “The cobbler’s children go barefoot” at face value, we all should continue to explore and challenge our own stereotypes and prejudices, aiming at getting free from them. As far as I am concerned, this course greatly helped me in this respect. Work is still in progress…

Is my therapist GSD?

Choosing a therapist one considers as heterosexual or, on the contrary, as identically oriented is not neutral. It’s worth exploring what such a choice implies. For instance:

  • The fear a GSD person may experience about confiding in a heterosexual therapist may come from their own heterophobia: to believe a heterosexual therapist is deductively unable to support a GSD patient; conversely, the belief that choosing a same GSD oriented therapist is a sufficient condition is limiting too: it cannot be the only criterion for a successful therapy.
  • As regards a same oriented therapist, there is a risk of collusion (I understand them as I experienced the same thing as they do) or identification (I experience the same thing as they do so what they say relates to me personally).
  • To say or not to say whether I’m GSD: it was very helpful for me to participate in a discussion about this issue. Is it right to answer the patient’s question “Are you gay?” and how to do it?

Lesbianism and lesbophobia

Through “life stories” of Anglo-Saxon lesbian celebrities, illustrated by animated and musical presentations, Pamela Gawler-Wright lightly introduced us to the yet awful word of social persecutions which lesbians experienced since some of them started to claim their visibility and right to be themselves.

Coming out

Half a day was devoted to the coming-out issues. In particular, the following topics were addressed:

  • 
Coming out is multiple: one experiences as many coming outs as there are situations and persons one has to face throughout one’s life; thus, it’s repeated many times, in a different way every time.
  • 
As the consequences of coming out are unknown, it necessarily makes the person feel unsafe.
  • It’s hard to resist the belief “It should be known” (transparency as a moral value).



Shame, vulnerability and internalized oppression

Another half-day permitted to develop and deepen this issue, through exercises in which participants got very involved. As far as I am concerned, it was overwhelming and it taught me a lot. In particular, it presented me with an opportunity of experiencing a real breakthrough about the self-maintained process of superego injunctions.

I feel internalized oppression is a core issue for many of our patients, specially – but not only – our GSD patients. It’s likely to be one the most widely shared psychological processes. Even white heterosexual men cannot escape it (at least not all of them…): many of them have internalized the oppression of sexual performance obligation or that of aggressive machismo as inseparable from their manhood (a young male, smart, open-minded patient recently told me “if I climb stairs behind a woman – as any gallant man should do – and she wears a miniskirt, what will she think about me?”)

For many GSD persons, social oppression is very deep as it is rooted in gender difference. Internalizing it induces the shame of being oneself as well as radical judgements about one’s own desires, thoughts and acts. This shame causes vulnerability and hypervigilance regarding anyone or anything that could question this aspect of the person’s identity. But to be vulnerable does not mean to be weak: on the contrary, accepting one’s vulnerability is a major strength which contributes to coming out of shame and of internalized oppression.

In any case, the psyche authority that judges and pronounces irrevocable condemnations – whether you call it cruel superego or “top dogs” – plays a major part in maintaining shame, especially by justifying it endlessly. If we consider it as a major target of the therapeutic process, it can only benefit to our patients.

Asexuality


Discovering asexuality was one of the highlights of the course for me, particularly as we could take advantage with direct testimonies. Furthermore, Olivier Cormier-Otaño presented us with an enthralling study he conducted via a questionnaire that reached 310 persons considering themselves as asexual. In our hypersexual society, asexuality stands as a very strange, incomprehensible phenomenon.  For us, psychotherapists, it shocks our “knowledge” about sexuality and its issues… where it finds no place. It’s our responsibility to give it its right place if we want to be able to support asexual persons along their way to feel at peace with themselves and get integrated in their environment.

Transsexuality

Here again, direct testimonies were a major contribution to the course. I had already read books and articles on this topic, but coming to meet persons who experience transsexuality is irreplaceable. 
We heard a presentation about the activity of the Tavistock Clinic service dealing with children and teenagers who question their gender – the only service of this kind in the UK. It threw light on how to welcome and answer their questioning, both on a human and medical level.

“Help me not be gay!”

Conversion therapies, even though in loose momentum, still exist in Anglo-Saxon countries – maybe in France, as well, I don’t know. Without going so far, all of us may have to face a person whose request is to help them stop experiencing feelings and emotions related to GSD. How should we meet this request? How can we support them in their quest for an inner harmony, without letting ourselves being carried away by a “pro-GSD” ideology?

Behind such a request, as behind any request concerning identity, there are beliefs, grounded on stereotypes, and which appear to the person as truths, as certitudes. The suggested approach aims at helping the person to see truths as beliefs and to realise that beliefs are not the truth (my simplification…).

As a provisional conclusion

A word imposes itself to me after this experience: empowerment. I could say, feeling confident and deeply free, because of the recognition of my responsibility towards GD persons and my capacity to face it.

I never so clearly realised the pressing urge to acknowledge, accept and welcome human diversity, whatever its form and expression, as well as to challenge the stereotypes and prejudices it inevitably reveals to me.

The GSD concept is just emerging. It’s hardly starting to contribute redesigning the outlines of our ‘community’ and to influence the way we look at our patients, and perhaps at our practice. Meeting GSD persons who embody some GSD aspects I didn’t know, or about which I had rather bulky prejudices, helped me a tremendous lot in accepting them better, hence feeling better with myself and more open to my patients.

André Helman, MD; a relational psychotherapist from Paris.

Russia

Russia

Clearing out some very old papers at home the other day, I found some correspondance about the Russian language translation of Pink Therapy volume 1.

This is the only other language Pink Therapy has been translated into and it was done by a dedicated fan, a psychiatrist I believe, who thought it should be made available to his people.

I’m rather glad he did because I also found a second letter which came from a reader of that Russian edition who came across the book unexpectedly, and it changed her life. The original was badly copied and so has been transcribed and I’ve not tried to clear up the grammar and syntax.

When I get feedback from readers of my books, there is an amazingly gratifying feeling. Writing is a lonely project and not one that comes easily to me, but when I feel I have something to say, I generally have to say it! But one never knows whether one’s words mean much to anyone else. It’s wonderful to hear that sometimes, they do!

Given the really horrible situation most LGBT people in Russia find themselves, I am so pleased that somewhere in random book shops, they might come across Pink Therapy, or perhaps our website which has a more updated paper on Gender and Sexual Diversity Therapy translated into Russian:

Click to access RUS_GSDT.pdf

Dominic Davies